July 25, 2011
Orange alert from Speaker Boehner.
Debt ceiling collapses on gang of 6; Cantor, at kids table, crawls away.
And they were just this far apart, as dad used to say.
Each side charging it’s the other’s default.
The government will simply “forget” to sign the checks when paying bills.
Impasse comes even after the President moved the goal posts right up to Mr. Boehner’s toe. Problem was Mitch McConnell flinched while holding the ball.
President Obama has lessened the impact of a default by taking a reverse mortgage on the white House.
Additionally, he decreed August 2nd to be September 15.
Congress passes Plan 9 from Outer Space.
When your only check and balance is Jon Stewart, you know you’re in trouble.
In other impasses–
NFL owners OK contract, will take the field in August. Got a lot of trainin’ to do, Lucy.
Space shuttle Atlantis goes condo in Huntsville, AL, subdivision, alongside some very nice converted Saturn boosters.
Now begins a private race to the moon very much like “Despicable Me.”
There’s just 60 days left to Ask & Tell, Marcus Bachmann.
Even more to the Bachmann family story since Michele is really Michael. Explains the migraines.
Straw poll has Katy Perry over Rick ten to one.
This just in–negotiators have agreed to not raise the debt ceiling but lower the debt floor.
Rupert Murdoch says he thought the hacking was whooping cough.
Murdoch tells Parliament down came a jumbuck to drink beside the billabong up jumped the swagman and seized him with glee
and he sang as he tucked jumbuck in his tuckerbag.
In something akin to the alignment of heavenly bodies, both Hugh Grant and the Taliban are hacked on the same day.
14 year old hacks NATO into NA and TO.
B list celebs lining up to be hacked by News Corp.
Wendi Deng testing waters in Iowa. She’s proven she can kiss a pig.
Google + skewed towards the full-figured.
New Apple Lion OS delivered through implant in base of skull.
Casey Anthony spotted skating past muscle beach on Venice CA boardwalk.
Definitely not her couponing at the Sav-Mor in Kalamazoo.
“Cut off his penis and put it through the disposal” the worst “that’s what she said” ever.
Minnesota has about 3500 of the lakes up and running.
Dalai Lama reworks the feng shui in the Obama map room.
Taverns open their doors to victims of heat wave.
So hot that a lot of guys concealing and carrying are going off in their pants.
But that’s protected under the second amendment, too.
Poll reveals 62% of Americans believe there may be a better country but can’t find it on a map.
Survey finds baby boomers not afraid of losing their looks. Second survey finds they should be.
Republican gerrymandering pushes Wisconsin democrats into the UP.
And–boy–the summer is going fast–Cubs already up to 39 victories . . .
. . . That’s All the News That Isn’t